Wednesday, January 26, 2011

"Describe the kinds of problems this discord creates in families and the best way to handle a situation like this."

Guess who'll be the person you'll probably know the longest in your life? Yep, it's your sister or your brother.
You live together, play together, party together, eat together, laugh together and fight together.
Sisters and brothers can have terrific sharing relationships with each other, and be the closest of mates or friends.
On the other hand, sisters and brothers can infuriate each other at times.
Many things lead to arguments and fights between siblings, such as differences of opinion, misunderstandings, boredom, favouritism and manipulation.
Learning how to deal with conflict positively when you're young can set the scene for a positive relationship with your brother or sister for a long time to come, and help you learn to get along with other people outside the family
Different opinions
Perhaps you live together, look alike, talk alike or have been taught the same things by your parents - but that doesn't mean you think alike.
You're still likely to have different opinions, talents and different ways of doing things. Expressing your differences is a way of expressing your individuality
Differences of opinion can be about the footy, music, movies, friends, etc. - so many different areas.
But differences can cause friction, arguments or conflict - especially when someone thinks that one view has to be 'right' and one 'wrong', or when talking about different views turns into putdowns or insults.
It's not all bad to have differences.
Expressing your opinion and listening to your brother's or sister's opinion can teach you new viewpoints, how to understand others and how to get along with all kinds of people. How you express your opinion is really important - check out the topic Assertiveness for some tips.
You don't have to agree with each other. It's OK to disagree and have different opinions
Keeping the peace
The first thing people need to live together successfully is to havesome basic house rules that everyone follows.
Rules seem to work better when everyone in the house has a say about what rules should be included. They also work well when there aren't too many rules - you could end up with a law book if you go too far.
One rule that seems to works no matter where you are is 'being respectful to others'. This can cover a whole lot of positive things. It definitely excludes things like hitting or insulting another person.
Another rule that works well is 'respecting other's belongings'. This means asking before you borrow (or don't borrow at all) and looking after other people's things better than you do your own.
You and your brother or sister could sit down and work out a few rules for yourselves that suit you. If, after a while, the rules need changing, that's OK too, just as long as you change them together. Rules can help you to live together more peacefully.
Sorting out hassles
Sometimes there can be an on-going hassle with your brother or sister that never seems to get solved. Learning how to talk things out can help you deal with those situations. Although it seems strange to think about learning to talk to your brother or sister, it's just about learning to talk to each other in a positive and respectful way.
When you deal positively with a situation, you actually feel better about yourself because you've acted more skilfully and have been a stronger person in your approach.
Here are some basic pointers to follow when trying to talk out a problem.
Listen openly to the other's point of view. This leads to understanding the other person. We all feel better if someone understands what is happening for us. And when we feel better, we're easier to get along with.
Be truly respectful to each other. Don't blame, criticise or accuse each other.
Speak calmly. If you're starting to heat up, take time out and come back to it later.
Everyone makes mistakes. If you've made a mess of things, think about how you can fix it up. It's OK to say sorry when you're wrong. All the best people do.
Stick to the issue at hand. Don't get sidetracked by other issues. Don't get sidetracked by picking on each other. If you get off the track, bring it back to the issue.

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