"Explain what you should do if you want to end a relationship."

You've done everything you can. But you've finally realised that it's time to end your relationship. Understandably you're struggling to do it.

Here's some practical advice to help you bring your relationship to a close. Also what to do if you can't quite bring yourself to end it (even though you know you should).

Please be clear that whilst I put these tips forward as strategies I understand that it's rarely easy - especially in the longest of relationships. You may well be trying to leave someone whom you've loved dearly and dreamt big dreams with. I know it hurts and I hope you will know when it's time to deal with that pain and get on with your life as well as having the courage to follow through.

You're not meant for each other

A relationship not working out is rarely about blaming or there being anything wrong with either you or your partner. It's just that the two of you are not compatible. Remember this when going through the process. The only other significant reasons for break-ups are because of physical or emotional abuse. Virtually everything else is a compatibility issue.

Sometimes the truth hurts

'You're too fat, I don't find you sexually attractive and you're crap in bed'

Would you want to hear that? I doubt it. I also suspect you don't really want to hurt your partner, so sometimes it's best to avoid telling the whole truth. Not lie. Just not go in to all the details where you know it will hurt them.
If you're break up takes a long time, you're going to be asked lots of questions. You're both going to hurt badly in the process. Just don't ever be tempted to use a harsh truth as a weapon to get revenge for you feeling hurt.

Prepare for them asking 'Why?'

Especially when your partner doesn't want the relationship to end they'll question over and over why it's ending - so they can try to change. There's a difficult way and an easy way to answer this (as if any of this could be easy!)
If you answer them with reasons about them, then they still have the option to try to change themselves and you've given them a life line to grab at. They'll definitely start to beg for another chance to change.
If you make it about you, then there's a lot less they can grab on to or argue about to make you change your mind.
Before you approach your partner, explore in writing the main reasons for you wanting to leave. Work through each issue figuring out what it is about youthat's contributed to the issue arising.
For instance, if you end up fighting all the time now, your part in that is you've built up so much resentment in the relationship that you find it impossible to have a civil discussion anymore - which isn't the basis for a good relationship.
Once you've worked through the whole list you're better prepared for initiating the break up, less likely to give your partner a chance to come back at you and probably a whole lot clearer yourself about the reasons that you must leave.

Expect them to hit back (metaphorically!)

At the end of a major relationship very few people will be able to take it in their stride. Sometimes it hurts so much that the only thing they know how to do is to try and hurt you back. That comes in the form mostly of verbal or emotional mud slinging. And yes, you will more than likely hurt as a result of it.
You'll question whether it was the right thing to do. You'll hurt because you'll think that what they've said or done is true. Try to remember, or remind yourself by reading this paragraph again, that they are only trying to hurt you because they feel so hurt inside themselves.
Rather than continue the mud fight, try to be a grown up and leave the argument before you feel the need to sling it right back at them. With all that mud around, it's a slippery slope.

When it's over, it's over

After virtually any length of intimate relationship you're going to yearn to get back together afterwards, even if you're the person that ended the relationship and you knew it was 100% the right decision. This is normal and natural but it's important that you resist it unless you've been apart for months and realize you've made a mistake.
Getting back together after a few days or weeks, just for old time's sake, is generally just another way of extending the pain of a break up. It's motivated by sadness or loneliness and is rarely a good idea. Try to avoid doing this, you only stand to hurt your partner more. And I know that's not what you want to do!

Struggling to break up?

If you've tried everything you can to bring yourself to break up but you just can't do it, it can be a real problem.
I've had clients who've waited more than 3 years before they came to me to deal with leaving a relationship. They're almost certain it's the right thing to do, they've even started fantasising about new relationships, but they just can't bring themselves to take that final step. Or they'd broken up and got back together within a few weeks because it was so painful for them that they just couldn't follow through with it.
If you're in a situation like that and you want to make sure you're making the right decision and follow through with it as quickly and cleanly as you can, then contact me. Let me know briefly what your situation is and I'll see if I can help you through this.